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Oct. 11th, 2005 12:07 amI used to love my job. Dude, I got to talk about books all day and get paid for it - I was expected to read things as part of my job requirements and you just can't beat that. Well, you could pay a little more, but otherwise, really, not bad.
Now it's as if work is a chore, something I do because I have to. And yes, I realize that technically it is something I do because I have to, but I never used to care about that part before.
The new manager is helping a little, but I think there's just a lot of negative emotions floating around. I'm tired of walking in there and feeling like time slows down. I'm tired of sitting around trying to count all the different ways someone might have thought I'd screwed up, when I didn't screw up, and I'm doing more than my share while things are in semi-turmoil. The last manager left a lot of tension behind him when he left, and I don't think any of that's going away soon.
I've been talking about a transfer for a long time, and I keep wondering if that will help. If I still love the job, just not the place. It's entirely possible that new coworkers will help the problem - we've all worked with people who tried to drag us down, I'm sure. Maybe a new environment will change things.
Or maybe I need a new job.
And there, ladies and gentlemen, is where the insecurity kicks in. I'm annoyingly young. I've little RL experience outside this job. I'm capable of doing many many things, but I haven't the experience or the resume to back up my claims. I'm not sure how much luck I'd have trying to start over somewhere else when there are a dozen people with years and years of experience trying to part-time work because that's all there is around here.
I looked up the requirements for my own job, and technically I'm not qualified. They want five years of management experience and I have one, which I got after they gave me the job.
Maybe I need to go easier on myself because I am still young and I'm still new to this and I'm doing a good job, damnit, even if I'm not perfect yet.
Maybe I need to stop staying up late and getting melancholy.
Now it's as if work is a chore, something I do because I have to. And yes, I realize that technically it is something I do because I have to, but I never used to care about that part before.
The new manager is helping a little, but I think there's just a lot of negative emotions floating around. I'm tired of walking in there and feeling like time slows down. I'm tired of sitting around trying to count all the different ways someone might have thought I'd screwed up, when I didn't screw up, and I'm doing more than my share while things are in semi-turmoil. The last manager left a lot of tension behind him when he left, and I don't think any of that's going away soon.
I've been talking about a transfer for a long time, and I keep wondering if that will help. If I still love the job, just not the place. It's entirely possible that new coworkers will help the problem - we've all worked with people who tried to drag us down, I'm sure. Maybe a new environment will change things.
Or maybe I need a new job.
And there, ladies and gentlemen, is where the insecurity kicks in. I'm annoyingly young. I've little RL experience outside this job. I'm capable of doing many many things, but I haven't the experience or the resume to back up my claims. I'm not sure how much luck I'd have trying to start over somewhere else when there are a dozen people with years and years of experience trying to part-time work because that's all there is around here.
I looked up the requirements for my own job, and technically I'm not qualified. They want five years of management experience and I have one, which I got after they gave me the job.
Maybe I need to go easier on myself because I am still young and I'm still new to this and I'm doing a good job, damnit, even if I'm not perfect yet.
Maybe I need to stop staying up late and getting melancholy.
