Five Things responses Part 1

[onemuseleft]

For sidara:



Five Reasons Why Jake and Marco Can Never Look the General in the Eye Again Without Turning Red


1) It's been a stressful day what with the almost dying and the crazy protestors accidentally stealing the tank over at the old high school. Jake thinks it's probably pretty screwed up that running into Cassie's mom ranks higher than anything else on the List of Things That Are Stressful Today but he's had a few years to get used to the fact that he's pretty messed up. Anyway, there are worse things than running into his ex-girlfriend's mother. Like, say, meeting his new commanding officer while coming out of Victoria's Secret, with his boyfriend hanging all over him.

"Don't be mad at me," Marco said.

"It wasn't my idea to get Rachel lingerie for her engagement party. We're not even invited – girls only, remember?"

"I'm not invited, but you are."

"I – what? Sonofa- That's it. She's getting a toaster."


2) "General, I swear, the water balloons weren't meant for you."

"They aren't really water balloons if they're filled with… is this chocolate pudding, Captain?"

"Fat-free chocolate pudding, sir."

"It's good to know you're health conscious. It's a rare trait in a young man."

"Thank you, sir."

"I'll expect this mess cleaned up at once, Captain. I think your team would be willing to give up their day off to help you, don't you?"

"If nothing else, they'll be here to rub it in, sir."

"It's good to be able to count on your team, Captain. And tell Doctor Ramirez that if he's going to hide behind a potted plant he should try not to snicker at his friend's misfortune."

"Oh, I'll tell him, sir."


3) Marco slid into a seat next to Jake and starting stealing his French fries. "So who's the new commander every one's freaking out about?"

Jake slapped his hand. "General Jack O'Neil. Formerly of Colorado Springs. Cheyenne Mountain."

"He some kind of tactical expert or something?"

Jake shrugged. "From what I hear, he's spent about nine years overseeing a bunch of scientists."

"Weapons research?" Marco asked hopefully.

His friend sounded way too happy about the possibility. Really, Marco was just a big kid sometimes. "Giant telescope."

That made the other man pause. "Giant telescope?"

"Yup. They use it to look at outer space and stuff."

"Huh." Marco ignored Jake's dirty look as he snagged the hamburger right off his plate. "But they still didn't see the invading alien armada coming?"

General O'Neil shrugged from his seat across the table. "Apparently not. But seriously, who could have seen that coming?"

Marco glared at Jake. "You're never getting laid again."

"Worth it," Jake said smugly, and took back his lunch.


4) "Oh. Oh, geez." Marco was laughing himself sick which wasn't helping Jake's composure any. "General, I – We're early. We should have knocked." He was staring at the ceiling with all his might and thinking really nasty thoughts in Marco's general direction. "We'll wait in the hall." He stepped back, shoving Marco out behind him. "Sorry, sorry. We'll, ah. Be in the hall. Waiting." It's Marco's influence that makes him add, "For you to get, ah, dressed. Sir."


5) General Wayne is still getting used to the way things work within the UNSG, and as such he is trying to allow his men a certain amount of leeway. A scientist occasionally traipsing off with the soldiers? Well, Marco Ramirez had proven himself in combat before, and the Animorphs had never given him reason to doubt them. A twenty-something kid leading a team of ex-marines and Navy Seals? He'd seen Jake Berenson fight and frankly, he doubted the Marines would be able to match him. So he gave them some wriggle room to prove to him that they were worthy of special treatment.

But there had to be limits, didn't there?

"This was an… undercover mission, is that what you're saying?" The report on his desk tells an interesting story, but he suspects most of it is creative fiction at best, blatant lies at worst.

"Sir," Berenson says, "we had every reason to suspect that the Yeerk had been making contacts with the patrons."

"So you decided to pose as the typical patron of Ganymede's Chalice?" Wayne raised a skeptical eyebrow and made a point of looking at the report on his desk.

"Yes, sir." Berenson has been a most interesting shade of fuchsia from the moment the conversation started, and Wayne is half concerned that the man is going to pass out. "There are a large number of… discontented teenagers and young adults who frequent the club."

"Rebels without a cause," Marco Ramirez interjects. "Young, stupid, angry at the world and careless with their own safety. Exactly what the Yeerk are looking to take advantage of."

"You knew this before you went into the club. Of course." He lets just enough skepticism slip into his voice to be audible and watches Berenson turn a deep shade of purple. Ramirez looks like he's enjoying himself.

"Of course, General," Ramirez says. "We were just investigating."

"By yourselves. With no backup and without alerting any other Guard members."

"We acted as soon as he had an idea of what the Yeerk were doing," Berenson admits. "We should have alerted our backup."

"Very well, gentlemen." Wayne sets the report back down and eyes them curiously. "I do have one last question for you. Why is it that when the Ganymede's Chalice is largely frequented by gay men, you felt the need to go in using a female morph?" There's a long moment of silence as Berenson stares at the wall, Ramirez smirks at his feet and Wayne gets a sneaking suspicion that he had the wrong idea. The dress Berenson is wearing fits his frame too well for it to have been something he wore in another form.

"Gentlemen," he says firmly, setting the report down. "I don't ever want to discuss this again."



For lady_flamewing



Five Reasons Why Kurama and Kuwabara Have Been Forcibly Ejected From the Movie Theater


1) "I don't suppose explaining that there was a demon in the popcorn machine would help any, huh?"


2) It wasn't really Yuusuke's fault. Yeah, it was his idea to put the aphrodisiac in Kurama's soda, but damnit, how was he supposed to know that Kurama would react so… oddly?

And how was he supposed to know that Kurama would jump Kuwabara in the main lobby and do... well, that, to him? Really. Kuwabara? Yuusuke wasn't sure if he was offended or disgusted.

But anyway, totally not his fault. And he'd tell Kurama and Kuwabara that, too.

As soon as they came up for air.


3) "Sir, I'm afraid the other customers have complained about you critiquing the realism of the zombies. If you don't stop heckling the movie, I'll have to ask you to leave."

Kuwabara grinned sheepishly at the usher, ignoring Kurama, Yukina and Yuusuke giggling around him. "Sorry."

Kurama nudged his side. "Look. The zombies just killed someone without eating him again."

"Stop trying to get me thrown out!"


4) "Listen, I'm sorry about the projectionist's booth. There was a, um. A dog. A rabid dog. Or maybe a rat? Something like that. A big rat. With teeth like pencils, I swear. And anyway, we figured we should catch it before it bit anyone, right? So, we cornered it in the projectionist's booth, and well... umm. Caught it?"

"Kuwabara-kun, I don't think they're buying it."

"Well, next time we have to kill a demon in a public place you get to explain it to the civilians!"


5) Most people his age got kicked out of movie theatres for making out or having sex in the bathrooms or something equally... normal. Popcorn fights. Heckling. Putting their feet up on the chairs in front of them. Theatre-hopping.

Kuwabara's the only guy he knows who gets asked to leave for having a PTSD-caused flashback during The Grudge.