Five Things responses Part Three

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For deathgod02:



Five missions Koenma never sent Yuusuke on

1) "I lost the paperwork somewhere," Koenma admitted. "But it's really not a complicated misson. Just go to England and deal with this Dark Lord Voldemort guy."

"Dark Lord?" Yuusuke scoffed. "What is he, a Dark Jedi?"

"Sith," Kurama corrected him.

"Oh my God! Kurama got a pop culture reference!"

2) "No."

"Yuusuke."

"No! No way! I'm not doing it!"

Koenma glared at Yuusuke from his seat behind his desk. He was sitting on a cushion almost as tall as he was just so he could see over the top. "It's your job."

"My job? No way! I'm supposed to be a detective. I fight demons. I'm not going to beat up some brat who's flirting with your girlfriend!"

3) Botan waved cheerfully from her perch on her oar outside the window. Kuwabara and Yuusuke exchanged a look, and Kuwabara reached over and slid the window up. "Botan-chan? Is anything wrong?"

"Oh, no," Botan beamed at them. "I'm just here so you won't worry."

"Worry?" Kuwabara repeated.

"About Kurama being missing."

Yuusuke blinked. "Kurama is missing?"

"Yes. He got captured by a gang of demon-hunters out for revenge for something he did to one of their great-grandfathers or something."

"And we shouldn't worry about that?" Yuusuke asked.

"No. He'll be fine." Botan checked her watch. "Right about…"

Something exploded in the distance.

"So what are you two up to?"

4) "Of all the places," Yuusuke snarled, "this damned demon had to hide out in the Gay Men's Pride Parade."

"Well, he is an incubus. Perhaps we should have anticipated this?"

5) Kuwabara and Kurama were lounging on a park bench, leaning over a textbook filled with writing that may as well haven been Greek as far as Yuusuke could tell – and after seeing some of the classes Kuwabara was taking this semester, it very well might have been, actually – when Yuusuke came across them.

"Urameshi?" Kuwabara called. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm not here," Yuusuke said. "Yuusuke is dead. You can't see me. You've obviously mistaken me for someone else. You're asleep and dreaming all of this."

"Wow," Kuwabara said. "All that at once, huh?"

"Shut up."

"I thought you were working on a mission for Koenma."

"Shut up."

"Are you walking a dog?"

"Shut up."





Five things Vin and Ezra never did to Chris

1) "My eyes!"

Vin threw a sock at him. "Well knock next time, Larabee!"

2) The girl beamed. "Hi! We're the Coalition of Fangirls Who Like to Hurt Vin and Ezra so They Have to Comfort One Another Later. We're looking for Vin and Ezra. Can you tell us where they are?"

Vin plastered a wide smile on his face and pointed at Chris and Buck, who were so busy arguing over last night's game that they hadn't noticed the small horde of women invading their office.

"Thanks!" the girl said. "You're cute! What was your name again?"

"Ted," Vin said.

"Thanks, Ted!"

3) "You didn't," JD said.

Vin grinned and leaned back in his chair. "We did."

"You're both gonna die," Nathan said. "And I hope you don't expect me to fix you."

Ezra grinned over the rim of his glass. "He'd have to prove it was us."

Buck snorted. "This is Chris, boys. He's going to take one look at his office and know who it was, and then he's going to take matters into his own hands." He signaled Inez for another beer and shook his head. "Hell. And I was just getting used to having you two around."

"I can't believe you did it," JD said. "I can't believe you actually took Chris's car apart and reassembled it in the middle of Judge Travis's office. I mean… wow. That's just-"

"Crazy?" Buck asked.

"Insane?" Josiah suggested.

"Stupid, impulsive and bone-headed?" Nathan offered.

"Awesome. I mean, Chris is totally going to kill you. But it's still awesome."

4) Chris took one look at the expression on Vin's face, and the total lack of expression on Ezra's, and decided he didn't want to know what was going on. "Boys."

"Hey," Vin said. Ezra nodded.

"Something I can help you with?" He was tired and sweaty, and somewhere inside the house, he could hear the shower calling to him. But first he had to get through whatever Vin and Ezra were about to come up with.

"Chris. You know me and Ezra have been together for a little while now."

Oh, lord. They were going to try and talk to him about their relationship. Chris contemplated beating his head against a wall.

"Well, there's been something missing for us. And we finally figured out what it was."

If this had anything to do with the horses, he didn't want to know.

Vin stared at him, soulful blue eyes boring into Chris's. "Chris. We love you. We want you to be with us."

The three of them stared at each other for a long, long minute.

"You owe Buck money, don't you?" Chris asked.

"Between the two of us, we owe him almost a thousand bucks," Vin grinned. "Buck said we could work it off in trade. If this doesn't work, we're just going to fuck him."

"You could do worse," Chris said. "Now go away and leave me alone."

5) Chris woke up in the hospital, which wasn't as unusual as it probably should have been. He was alone, which was atypical, but a glance revealed it was the middle of the night, so the doctors had probably kicked his team out to the waiting room.

He didn't feel too bad, though his leg throbbed uncomfortably and his head was pounding. It could have been worse. When he'd seen the ceiling start to collapse, he'd honestly expected to be carried out in several little pieces.

He struggled out of the bed and limped across the room. He paused in the door of the bathroom to let his eyes adjust to the light – the froze.

The mirror showed his reflection clearly, but Chris still blinked once or twice, just in case it was his eyes.

His hair was… pink. Bright pink, almost neon pink. Sort of… fuschia.

"VIN! EZRA!"





Five things that didn't happen to JD's hat

1) "It's called a horcrux," the black-haired boy said earnestly. "And we really, really need to borrow it."

2) Local Man's Hat Revealed to Be Brain-Sucking Alien: Hundreds Dead in Wake of Alien Invasion

3) "The hat?" JD said. "Actually, it was a gift. I used to have this old deerstalker – the winters in Boston could get cold, you know? Anyway, one day the family my mom worked for hired this private detective to look into some missing jewelry and he liked it so much that we traded."

4) Vin sidled up next to Chris. "What's wrong with Buck?"

"Seems JD's hat really does work with the ladies."

5) Buck never said anything because who would believe him? But every morning for the entire three years that JD was his roommate, Buck would wake up to see the damn hat sitting at the foot of his bed, nuzzling his feet. It was kind of creepy, and more than a little disturbing, but eventually he and the hat reached an agreement: He left his slippers in the hall when he had company for the night, and the Hat would accept them as a temporary substitute.

When JD moved out to get a place with Casey, Buck almost missed the damn thing. It was strange, and possibly alien, but it did a good job keeping his feet warm.





Five cases the K&K Dective Agency never took

1) The Case of the Cross-Dressing Cat-Creature
"We're not calling it that."
"It's descriptive, it's catchy-"
"It sounds like a Nancy Drew novel."

2) The man who stood in their office was tall and slender, with sharp features and dark, penetrating eyes. "Ah," he said, "I see that you are an amateur athlete, particularly fond of the American pastime of baseball, and that you were quite the troublemaker in your youth."

Kuwabara gave Shizuru a questioning glance but she only shrugged and went back to her magazine. "Yeah? How did you know that?"

"The framed, autographed photograph of Michael Jordan on your wall, along with the presence of a baseball bat in your hallway demonstrated the first. The scars and calluses on the knuckles of both hands tell me the second."

"So you're Sherlock Holmes or something?"

The man might have smiled, it was hard to tell. "Something like that."

3) Shizuru snapped her gum and grabbed for the phone. "K&K Detective Agency. How may I direct your call?"

Kuwabara glanced up from the latest volume of Banana Fish and mouthed "direct your call?" at Kurama. His partner shrugged.

His sister flipped him off without even looking at him. "I'm sorry, sir. Could you repeat that? Did you say it was a giant plant-creature?"

Kuwabara and Shizuru glared at Kurama who slid lower in his seat. "I said I was sorry!"

4) "I can't believe we took a job posing for a PI calendar photo shoot."

"We need the money. It was this, or we miss the mortgage again, the bank repossesses the house, and we have to live with Yuusuke."

"Fine. But I'm not stripping."

5) "A kidnapping?" Kurama asked. "Miss, I'm sorry for your loss, but perhaps this is a matter for the police? We tend to deal with more… esoteric cases."

Coraline Jones was small for her age and she sat with her feet tucked up underneath her, stroking the fur of the black cat she held like a lifeline. "No, Mr. Minamino," she said. "The cat and I think you are the perfect ones to help us."




Five things Kuwabara didn't need to know

1) When Kurama is in his yoko form, Hiei comes up exactly to his waist. Apparently this is terribly conveniently. Kuwabara has considered asking Shizuru to wipe this particular bit of knowledge from his mind.

2) Sensui played the Black Tape on repeat throughout the entire fight, and Kuwabara tried not to watch, but he couldn't block out the sounds. Not entirely. And sometimes those sounds come back to him when he lets his mind wander. He understands how something like that could have driven a man crazy, especially late at night when he can hear sirens in the distance.

3) Yukina had been in love with Shizuru almost from the very beginning, impressed with her strength, amused by her attitude, in awe of her ability to act despite her fear. She loves Kuwabara too, because he is Shizuru's brother, because he is a lot like Shizuru, and because Shizuru loves him.

4) After a couple of years went by, Keiko seemed to give up. Maybe Yuusuke was dead, she said, maybe he just didn't want to come back to the human world when the demon world had so much more to offer a person like him. Maybe he was in trouble, but surely Koenma would have let them know? She crossed her arms and glared at the sky, but inside her head she was screaming, and Kuwabara's mind ached with her repressed grief.

Kuwabara knows exactly why Yuusuke hasn't come back, and finds he can no longer look either Keiko or Kurama in the eye.

5) Dying isn't the part that hurts. Getting killed – that hurts. But once your body gives out and your soul slips away, that part is painless and easy.