onemuseleft: (bobby)
[personal profile] onemuseleft
I want to write a fic where The Avengers are chilling one night, everyone but Tony. And Pepper calls Bruce and she's all "I know it's a lot to ask, but would you check on Tony? He says he has a conference but I know he's lying and I think he isn't handling the break up as well as he says and -"

And Bruce is all "Wait, you guys broke up?"

And Pepper's like "A month ago."

So the Avengers are all, well, let's go make sure Tony's not drinking himself to death and they track him down in Vegas where he has a checklist of things he is going to do now that he's over Pepper. And they're like... that actually sounds kind of healthy? Okay. And then they see the list, but they're already committed.

The list includes:
-Getting super wasted (Natasha waters down all Tony's drinks. He knows she's doing it but he CAN'T CATCH HER and the bartender thinks she's hot and won't rat her out.
-Going to a strip club
-Buying a strip club (this one is penciled in on the margins)
-Blowing Phil's annual salary at the gaming tables (Phil compromises with Tony that they'll just blow Clint's annual salary and Clint spends the rest of the hour pouting)
-HOOKERS (this one is crossed out in four or five different colors of ink, but Tony actually ends up sneaking away and hiring a hooker named Bella who wants to be a ballerina and she and Natasha disappear for a while which makes Steve's head hurt a little)
-Drunk marrying a celebrity (Steve takes the hit on this one for reasons even he doesn't understand, but hey it's not like it's LEGAL and no one's taking it seriously, right? but when Tony sobers up the next morning they find out that someone leaked cell phone footage of them getting married and there are people throwing parties in the streets all over the country and there are all these Senators and politicians and judges being all "uh - yeah, right if Captain America says so I am ALL FOR IT SURE" And Tony's like oh my god we can't get divorced NOW
And Steve's all "We absolutely can't"
So Clint throws them a wedding party and Pepper is all "I am never asking any of you for a favor EVER AGAIN YOU ARE TERRIBLE" and Tony calls her his little strawberry and she hits him with her purse but they're good.)

There will be a scene where Drunk!Tony and mostlydrink!Clint scale something wildly inappropriate and throw gummy bears at passers-by. They may carry Bruce up with them and leave him there.

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